“If I had eight hours
to chop down a tree, I’d spend six hours sharpening my ax.
-Abraham Lincoln
As native Californian I’ve experienced my share of
earthquakes. Some I’ve slept through, others were over before I could even
react, and one I thought must be a large truck rumbling by, only to feel the
heart-stopping jolt seconds later. A few (thankfully only one or two) had me
running for the door. I instinctively know this is wrong, but hey, we’re
talking self-preservation here. Somehow a doorjamb or our dining room table
with its half inch thick glass top doesn’t instill a lot of confidence
in me as a life saver
It’s like the ol’ duck and cover (yes, I’m that old) drill I
learned in elementary school. They obviously meant well, and were concerned for
our safety, but although furniture in those days really was built like a tank, I’m
dang sure my initial-scarred, solid wood third-grade desk wouldn’t have fared
well against an atomic bomb.
Living in sunny, southern California, most of us choose to
not think about earthquakes, or prepare for any sort of natural disaster. The
closest we come to preparing is shopping at Costco where we can’t help but buy
thirty rolls of toilet paper, a four-pound tub of Best Foods mayonnaise and a
six pack of underarm deodorant. Because buying in bulk is cheaper, right? Even
in an emergency we will not have to resort to leaves, or have body odor, and if you have the
twenty pack of Chicken of the Sea tuna, we will sooner or later find each
other.
Every time I see the news about a tornado or a flood, I
wonder what’s wrong with those Midwest people. Get the heck outta there. You
know it’s gonna happen. I know it’s gonna happen. For goodness sake, everybody
knows it’s gonna happen. Yet they say earthquakes scare them. Are you kidding
me?
Am I prepared for the big one? Well, eh… I have some peanut
butter, a couple bags of ramen and two hundred paper plates, so, yeah.
That was obviously a joke. Not the supplies. That’s real.
Actually I’m woefully unprepared. The real preppers
are probably sitting in their concrete-lined bunkers right now, shaking their
heads. Because if you’ve ever seen news reports f before a
hurricane, you know the grocery store shelves look like Mother Hubbard’s
cupboard and the dog definitely ain’t getting’ no bone. Imagine that in
California where they eat their young. It would get ugly fast, so I’ve got a
backup plan. I’ve downloaded a map to all the stars homes. Not to sight see, but
so I know where all the food is.
In the event of a natural, or unnatural disaster, here’s
some things you should have and know.
The Haves
Water
H2O is the big number one. If you’ve ever watched the television program “Naked and Afraid,” between squinting at the blurry images, you’ll learn
that thirst can take you down fast. You can live for weeks without barbecued
lizard or a handful of grubs, but only days without water.
The average person needs one gallon of water per day. Oh,
and don’t forget man’s best friend. Spot needs water too. Stash at least two weeks’
worth of unopened, bottled water.
Make sure to check periodically and replace when expired, or
every six months. While you’re shopping, grab a bottle of unscented liquid
chlorine bleach that’s safe for sanitizing and disinfecting water
You can also
purchase survivalist straws such as ones sold by glacialstream.ca. They are designed to
filter out contaminates like lead. E. Coli and the fungus that’s among us. They generally
last six months or 200 gallons of water.
Food.
I realized this is a no-brainer, but how much non-perishable
food do you have? This isn’t counting the two dusty cans of Campbell's “cream of
what-the-heck” that the previous renters left behind and the packets of soy sauce that have a thousand-year
shelf life.
Here’s what you might need according to an article at verywellfit.com
called 12 Tips for Stocking an Emergency Food Pantry
Cowboy Food
Jerky has been around since the 1500’s or forever, depending
on who you believe. Jerky is cool. Clint Eastwood always chawed on it in his spaghetti
westerns movies. It’s full of protein, and if sealed is edible for at least two
years. Homemade… well it’s a disaster. Beggars can't be choosers. Can you say squirrel jerky? Oh, and its
high in sodium, so you might need more water. Grab your survivalist straw and
hit the toilet tank or the neighbor’s pool.
Peaches and Pears and
Peas, Oh, My
Unless you or your neighbor (assuming he’s nice and not
armed) have a fruit tree, you gotta go to the can. Fruit is full of vitamins
and vital minerals. You can add beans, beans the magical fruit to this list. Hot
or cold their delicious. Leave the tent flap open. You’re welcome.
Soup Is Good food
I like the chunky variety. It’s a hearty meal, even without
water. Vegetable, chicken noodle, minestrone are my favs. Cream soups are
suspicious. What’s hiding in there? Cream is milk. Milk goes bad, I don’t trust
it. Cup-o-Noodles is good, but requires heat, a pan, and a trip to the toilet
tank.
Nuts and Seeds
I love nuts and seeds. They are nutritional, tasty and great
for attracting small, woodland creatures that would look good on a paper plate
with some packaged soy sauce and a heap of cold pork and
beans.
Dehydrated Fruits
I’m not a raisin fan. Not in my cereal or in my trail mix.
But dried fruit is chock full of good stuff, and you can put it in your pocket,
so no one hits you over the head and steals it. Win, win.
Going Crackers
This healthy carb alternative will outlast bread,
and unopened can stay reasonably fresh for six months. I prefer Ritz and
Saltines. To each his own. So, if we run into each other in the abandoned
grocery store, and all that is left is raisins whole-grain crackers, don’t
shoot me.
Chicken of the Sea
Canned fish is a great source of protein, vitamins, minerals,
and omega-3 fatty acids. I believe mayonnaise has this omega stuff, but I don’t
recommend using it after the power goes out. They come in a variety of
containers that can be McGyvered into drinking cups and foil pouches, and if
sewn together, make a darn good acid rain-proof poncho. It’s all about
re-purposing, folks. Lastly, sardines are awesome with crackers (saltines, please) and
make great bait.
Well, that’s enough for now. I need to get to Costco before
the big one hits.
