Scientists say they’ve found
water on Mars? Well, not water per se. More like a briny liquid. Now I know why
aliens are described as little green men. #pickle people
You might think that’s
totally ridiculous, but I’ve been studying UFO flight patterns. There’ve been dozens
of sightings around Imlay City, Michigan. What’s in Imlay City besides Parks
Show Cattle Online Steer & Heifer Sale, Lucky’s Steak House and 3,589 bored
Imalayins? Ah, my ET lovin’ amigos, that would be the Vlasic Pickle factory. No, I’m not gherkin your chain.
I’ve always been a bit suspicious of any food that needs to be preserved in a vinegary substance. Perhaps they’re hiding something. Could life actually exist out there in space, and aside from being friendly, also be quite tasty?
I’ve seen pictures of Mars.
Totally barren. Have we, like some super-race of Peter Pipers, been pickin’
more than a peck of pickled Martian peppers? Are we now on a quest to find new
worlds to enslave, jar and serve next to a pastrami on rye with a smear of deli
Dijon?
According to the guy with the
weird hair on Ancient Aliens, space beings have been visiting us pretty much
forever. After a bit of archaeological Internet
digging I have uncovered the truth. This pickling process goes back as far as
2400 B.C. Coincidence? Maybe the little
green guys have good reason to avoid us.
So the next time you’re
tempted to top your salad off with a few artichoke hearts (ever wonder why they
call them hearts?), stop and consider the possibility you might be
cannibalizing some inferior, though delectable race of beings who want nothing
more than to share in the American dream. This more than likely doesn’t involve
becoming a garnish for your Dodger dog.
Relish their friendship.
K.G
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