“Wouldn’t it be funny if I shaved one of those monkeys.”
-God to Michael
If evolution is true, why aren’t my arms longer so I
don’t need glasses?
-Kenneth Goorabian
I assume Darwin sat around
watching chimps one day and thought, hey, they look just like me. We must be
related. Hmmm…
If that supposition holds
true, then turtles must be aliens because they look an awful lot like E.T. sans
the shell. Wait a minute. A turtle’s
shell is saucer-shaped and very similar in appearance to a UFO. Am I the first
one to make this connection? Just blew
my own mind.
It’s my belief that life would
be easier if we were monkeys. Getting our recommended intake of fruit and
veggies without complaint would be eliminated, we’d be totally oblivious to the
awesomeness of pizza, deep fried chicken wings and Twinkies, swinging in the
trees is great exercise and we could run around naked. Plus, having a hairy
back wouldn’t be a turn-off to the opposite sex.
Just think, if I were a
monkey I could have skipped all the trepidation in high school when ordered to
climb the rope. I’d have scampered up that thing like poop (ask your grandpa) through
a goose, all the while grinnin’ like a … well, like a monkey.
I pondered this as I shaved
my chest and back. Unfortunately I am more simian than I would like.
Maybe we are actually
de-evolving. After all, monkeys have long arms and don’t wear glasses. Think
about it.
K.G.
