Necessity is the Mother of Invention

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

-Thomas A. Edison

 

“Jazz isn't dead. It just smells funny.”

-Frank Zappa

Recently, I went to the funeral of my aunt. She lived to be 102. Crazy, right? Hard to imagine living that long.

It got me thinking about the marvels she witnessed during her lifetime. When she was growing up the term “Fast Food” meant something you had to run after to catch. And prior to the internet, browsing actually meant using your legs to walk around. Kind of like exercise.  Barbaric, I tell you.

We are so blessed. We live in a time where 7-11 sells pizza, a tall Starbuck’s coffee is still slightly less than a gallon of gas, and we are able to genetically scramble our food so the bugs won’t eat it. Just spitballin’ here, but if they won’t eat it, should we?

I have a few ideas of my own all you rocket scientists should be working on.

1. Tweak my Cap’n Crunch so it won’t get soggy in milk. All the once wasted cereal would go a long way towards solving the hunger problem.

2. Rearrange my* dog’s genes so he will take himself for a walk and clean up his own business. People would have so much time on their hands they would be free to tackle such pressing issues as world peace and stuff.

*Okay, I don’t have a dog. I think my wife’s words were “Over my dead body,” so as soon they genetically mutate one to fit in my wallet… woof.

3. Modify pizza cheese so it won’t stick to the roof of my mouth like mozzarella napalm. This seems like a no-brainer. I’m surprised the military hasn’t made a bomb out of hot pizza cheese.

4. Make a banana that turns into bacon when it rots. Oh, yeah. Bananas would be flying off the shelves. This would turn around the economies of many third world countries.

5. Create a chicken with four wings. I really like chicken wings.

K.G.