What
a long, strange trip it’s been.
-Jerry Garcia
I
realized something today. Not only am I no longer interested in climbing the
corporate ladder, but I get dizzy just standing on a step stool.
-Kenneth Goorabian
I’ve finally reached the age where I
have nothing new to write about except my aches and pains. Well, unless I have
an accident while writing this and then we can add incontinence to the
list. Which in itself wouldn’t be too
awful. Wearing an adult diaper would save me the ten minutes it takes to decide
between my Superman briefs or Sponge Bob boxers. Some people wear strictly one
or the other, but I find some days you just want to swing free and easy, or to
quote Seinfeld’s Kramer be “out there and lovin’ it.”
I bought new glasses the other day. It
was either that or have custom arm extensions made. The glasses seemed like a
cheaper alternative. But to be honest, having bad eyesight is sometimes a plus.
If I take off my glasses my wife looks like a teenager again. Still can’t get
her to slip into her old cheer leading outfit though.
These days I maintain a strict diet of
coffee, oatmeal, coffee, string cheese, coffee, and the occasional Jumbo Jack with
a large coffee. Eating healthy can be challenging, so I always ask for extra
lettuce and ketchup. One mustn’t ignore the veggies. For snacks I’ll generally have
a protein bar, which I have chosen (I find they taste better if I convince
myself I a Milky Way) to call candy bars, much to my wife’s chagrin.
I guess life after 60 isn’t so bad. I
have most of my hair and teeth, and I have no desire to play
in either a country or blues band. Okay,
I’ll admit I do accept the senior discount at Supercuts and Denny’s.
Hey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.
K.G.
