According to a White House press release, the new program revolves around getting teens off computers and onto a modern version of the “rickshaw”, so popular in other countries. Teens across the country would be issued a government owned rickshaw which would be leased for a nominal fee plus interest, thus not only promoting physical fitness, but also teaching the teens how to manage finances. Each rickshaw would also have ample space for advertising, “the ads alone would bring millions of dollars into the government coffers,” one spokesman said.
Teens would be generously paid a new $2.00 an hour GreenTeen sliding scale, minimum wage which would fluctuate up or down depending on the teens weight. “The whole idea,” Mrs. Obama was quoted as saying, “Is to motivate the chubby kids to make more healthy choices.”
An unnamed union source within the Genovese organization said, “The teens would be required to join the Taxi Drivers Association at a reduced rate until their eighteenth birthday at which time they would be afforded all the rights, privileges and protection of any other card carrying member.” A special rickshaw driver’s license would also be issued and monitored by the DMV, who would regulate license and registration matters along with other environmental fees.
The program is set to roll out in Washington DC this month when all low level government employees will be returning their state issued vehicles and be assigned a “GreenTeen” in its place.
“We are really pleased with this new initiative,” U.S. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said yesterday. “We are seriously considering issuing GreenTeen’s to all congressional and senate members. I mean, who couldn’t use another intern, am I right?”
Expect this new “GreenTeen” program to ride into your state in the near future.
K.G.
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