The Mind is Willing, but the Body is Tweaked

What a long, strange trip it’s been.

-Jerry Garcia

I realized something today. Not only am I no longer interested in climbing the corporate ladder, but I get dizzy just standing on a step stool.

-Kenneth Goorabian

I’ve finally reached the age where I have nothing new to write about except my aches and pains. Well, unless I have an accident while writing this and then we can add incontinence to the list.  Which in itself wouldn’t be too awful. Wearing an adult diaper would save me the ten minutes it takes to decide between my Superman briefs or Sponge Bob boxers. Some people wear strictly one or the other, but I find some days you just want to swing free and easy, or to quote Seinfeld’s Kramer be “out there and lovin’ it.”

I bought new glasses the other day. It was either that or have custom arm extensions made. The glasses seemed like a cheaper alternative. But to be honest, having bad eyesight is sometimes a plus. If I take off my glasses my wife looks like a teenager again. Still can’t get her to slip into her old cheer leading outfit though.

These days I maintain a strict diet of coffee, oatmeal, coffee, string cheese, coffee, and the occasional Jumbo Jack with a large coffee. Eating healthy can be challenging, so I always ask for extra lettuce and ketchup. One mustn’t ignore the veggies. For snacks I’ll generally have a protein bar, which I have chosen (I find they taste better if I convince myself I a Milky Way) to call candy bars, much to my wife’s chagrin.

I guess life after 60 isn’t so bad. I have most of my hair and teeth, and I have no desire to play

in either a country or blues band. Okay, I’ll admit I do accept the senior discount at Supercuts and Denny’s.

Hey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

K.G.

Sleepy Alligators

Sleepy alligators love to ride in elevators

They get lazy when it comes to climbing stairs

For the most they’ll do is scurry, even when they’re in a hurry

So you’ll rarely see them rushing anywhere

Llamas in pajamas long to lounge in the Bahamas

Though their traveling opportunities are few

The ocean makes them seasick and vacations make them homesick

So they never leave the mountains of Peru

Climate-conscious weasels won’t be caught dead driving diesels

Cause the carbon footprint causes them to wheeze

So they’ll call their good pal Goober, who’s employed these days by Uber

For his Prius always makes them feel at ease

Double-dealing dingo’s always cheat when playing Bingo

So it’s always wise to keep their paws in view

And it’s best to not assume, when you get up and leave the room

That they won’t switch the cards, cause dingo’s hate to lose

So though we’re not as hairy or have humps like dromedary

We’re no different from the birds and bats and bees

So next time you meet a ferret, who’s quite ornery, grin and bear it

And be grateful you don’t have to deal with fleas

© 2016 Kenneth Goorabian