Water, Water Everywhere, but not a Drop to Drink

“California’s so dry…someone snatched my bottled water but left my iPhone.”

-Unknown

 

In case you haven’t noticed Southern California is in a drought.

As I stand by helplessly and watch my lush, green lawn turn a beautiful shade of Jerry Brown, the whole drought thing is starting to hit home. I wrote about this a while back when it wasn’t such an issue; a rather dry, tongue-in-cheek look at our water woes. Well, the tide (okay, no more puns) has now turned. Water wasting has become a serious offense. You may soon be given ten to life for overindulging your begonias or hosing down your BMW.

This is not good news for me. Not because the ol’ Beemer is getting dusty (don’t own one), but because I love long, hot showers. In my opinion, the Wild West wouldn’t have been so wild if there were hot showers. I do believe the water heater is man’s second greatest invention. The first is obviously the BLT. I mean, who doesn’t like a good BLT on sourdough with mayo?  Am I right?

Come to think of it, why aren’t we discussing H2O *pipelines? Canada has all that ice they’re not using and we’re parched. Seems like a no-brainer to me. Forget the oil. Who wants to get in a car with someone who smells like woolly mammoth roadkill?  Here’s an idea. Maybe we could trade them a few dozen used movie stars for some water.

*Could someone please begin a Kickstarter campaign for a pipeline? The whales and dolphins are all set. Let’s save the Dove. I’m talking soap here. Without water, soap is basically useless unless you want to vandalize the windows on someone’s Beemer or stop your kid from mouthing off.

On the positive side, the ocean is nearby. If you don’t mind a few Great White sharks, a gang of neoprene-clad, over-possessive surfers, and a few gooey tar balls, there’s a huge salt water bathtub just up the road. And if that doesn’t wet your whistle (sorry), most grocery stores still provide free handy wipes at the front door. Who doesn’t want to smell lemony fresh?

All this water talk has made me thirsty. Think I’ll strain a little Crystal Geyser through some Starbucks Italian roast and then hit the shower.

Have a good, long soak. You’ll feel better.

K.G.