This is my Brain on Drugs

La, la, la, spring is here. Birds are chirping, flowers are blooming and meds are being re-evaluated in an attempt at drool control.

For those who read my drivel (Hi, Mom), I apologize for not keeping up my end of the bargain by putting fingers to keyboard. Time -among other unmentionable things- has a tendency

to shrink as I grow older.

Why, back in my day…

I swore those words would never leave my lips, along with “Get offa' my lawn,” and my personal favorite, “Honey, could you add Depends to the grocery list?" Well, so much for that.

Oh, how I wish I could go back. During childhood, hours seemed like days, and weeks like years. As a youngster, in the time it now takes me to relieve myself in the morning, I could've caught a frog, road my bike ten miles, and totally irritated the old lady next door with incessant attempts at playing the perfect E chord at ear-shattering volume until she called the police.

Ah, those were the good ‘ol days, weren’t they?

Here are three things I would do if I could go back in time.

1.  Pay more attention in English class (punctuation sucks!).

2.  Use paper-route money to buy stock in Disney, Apple and Microsoft.

3.  Find my wife. (Ew, wait. If I was thirteen, she’d be three. Strike that one).

Happy Trails,

K.G.