Friday, April 14, 2017

Got my GMO-JO Working













Have no fear! Spidey is here.
-Peter Parker

I am not an animal.
-Elephant Man

I’m ready to put my name on the list when they begin genetically modifying people. My wife says I’m fine just the way I am. Well, except for my constant fidgeting when she’s trying to sleep, my insistence on using dryer sheets (I abhor static cling), and my refusal to eat any cereal but Honey Nut Cheerios. Aside from that, I’m loyal as a dog, walk myself, and do her laundry. I think she’d rather leave well enough alone.

I have a few ideas for GMO-ification that I really think could benefit society.

They could give car wash guys extra-long arms and legs. I have an SUV, and they always miss spots on the roof. Now, I’m not Andre the Giant, and my eyesight is so bad I had to have contacts put in to pick out new frames for my glasses, and even I can see the dirty spots they missed. This means that every single carwash guy is either legally blind or they all have abnormally short arms and legs. They could fix this with a little monkey/giraffe DNA and I would be perfectly okay with it. Oh, and I promise not to giggle, or stare at them too much when I get my car washed.

A deviled-eggplant would be delicious. There are never enough deviled eggs at holiday parties. This combo would ensure generous quantities of slippery, mayonaisey goodness, lower the cholesterol count a smidge, and the purple color would add a festive flair.

I think we should engineer babies to immediately become 35 years old upon their third birthday. This would eliminate stress and monetary burden for parents and effectively wipeout all future boy bands.

K.G.

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