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“I like any
cereal. I like the idea of eating and drinking with one hand without looking.”
-Jerry Seinfeld
“Four out of
five doctors say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I guess
the other guy sleeps in a lot.”
-Kenneth Goorabian
Honey Nut,
oh, Honey Nut, how I love thee. Let me count the ways.
I won’t
really list them, but… I will sing their praises.
For those
who poo-poo America’s contributions to gourmet cuisine, consider this: The very first breakfast cereal, granula, was
invented in Dansville, NY, in 1863 by James Caleb Jackson. He was the owner/operator
of Our Home on the Hillside, later renamed
the Jackson Sanatorium. Whether this change from home sweet home to insane
asylum was due to consuming vast quantities of sugary loveliness has never been
proven, but rumors abound.
Before long,
surgeon and health spa owner, John Harvey Kellogg, got wind of Jackson’s granula,
and renamed it granola (I read that as a play on vowels and plagiarism – but
who am I?). And to add another twist, Kellogg was then quickly bested by a
former patient, C.W. Post. What did Post offer to the mix? His tooth-shattering
creation, Grape-Nuts, championed by tree-huggers and dentists alike. Post was
the first to offer a discount coupon in his cereal boxes. Not sure if this
coupon was for the product or dental services.
Kellogg
retaliated by adding prizes. Soon there were millions of baking-soda submarines,
comics, and other fabulous toys that caused us to feverishly rip apart the box
like a spoiled kid on Christmas morning. Pure genius.
After half a
century gobbling down truckloads of sweet grainy goodness, drowned in gallons
of milk, I’m still hooked. How could I not be? What’s better than dessert for
breakfast?
I must
confess that during the writing of this piece I mercilessly killed Cap’n
Crunch. The whole box. I feel nauseated
and a bit remorseful, but it had to be done. Perhaps this is a cry for help.
Nah.
Forget about
the cavities and hyperactivity. Grab a bowl, a spoon, and cereal of your choice
because…
Theeeeey’re
alllll great.
Kenneth
Goorabian
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