Live long and prosper my lonely cyber- cadets. I applaud you as you search the outer reaches of cyber-space and beyond in an attempt to find truth, justice and good Chinese take-out.
Been pondering this whole alien thing (outer space ones, not illegal ones; though the “illegal” case could be made for both, I suppose). In a HuffPost/YouGov survey, one fourth of Americans said that they think aliens have visited us, while a third said “Yeah, when pigs fly.” The rest of the respondents were trying to get their medical marijuana cards and really just wanted to find the nearest Jack in the Box. Among those who were convinced that life exists on other planets, 45 percent said that aliens visit Earth often and possibly own one of the local Quicky-Marts.
Even noted Physicist Stephen Hawking (when not hitting on women) took time to respond. Mr. Hawking, in that weird, robot-like, digitally-voice, said that intelligent life on other planets probably exists, but that if little green men had visited Earth it would have been a "much more unpleasant" experience than any UFO sightings. So I guess being “tied down and probed” could be filed under “not that unpleasant”, especially if they bought you a Proud Whopper and dropped you off at the front door after.
College grads that were surveyed were more willing than non-college graduates to believe that life exists in some form elsewhere in the universe, although no more eager to admit that aliens have actually visited. Their reasoning, “Hot chicks just don’t go for crazy guys.”
Older respondents were much more likely than younger ones to state firmly that Earth has played Motel 6 to alien visitors, but this could be due to easier access to prescription medication.
I think this whole alien craze is just another way to keep our spirits up when we fail at dating sites like eHarmony and Tinder. We are so desperate to believe that there is someone out there for us, our “willing to travel for love” distance has expanded to include the rest of the universe. As for me, well, I have a hard time driving twenty minutes to get a Mocha Frappuccino, and I never really cared for girls with tentacles.
My hypothesis:
Aliens have been visiting the earth not to poke and prod us (though this sounds like good clean fun), but to dump their garbage here. It’s their radioactive trash in the atmosphere that is making us lose all common sense an accuse each other of being racist, homophobic, and overenthusiastic about World Cup soccer (Stephen King; you may use this for your next novel for a nominal fee).
K.G.
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