Singin’ in the Rain

Unless you’ve been living under a rock or get your news from Honey Boo Boo, most of you know we Californians are having water woes; a severe drought to be specific.  So as a loyal native (not to be confused with the people who own the casinos, but I was born here) I always try to do my part when things go a bit south.

I have heard that bathing in European (E.U = P.U.) countries is not part of their daily routine.  A little pit (B.O. pun so intended) stop once a week seems to be the norm, but, like most civilized Americans I make it a point to bathe at least once a day. Occasionally, a second or third dunking might be required due to strenuous workouts, a job interview or excess caffeine, but once is the general rule of scum, er… thumb.

Here are a few suggestions on how to stay clean, keep your water bill down and avoid the California Water Police.

• The car wash shower. When at the car wash, pretend you left your baby unattended inside the swagger van, then rush into the soapy water. Apologize profusely that it was all a silly mistake while standing under the giant blowers.

• The pool shower. Most apartment complexes have showers in the pool area. Who doesn’t enjoy a refreshing shower at poolside first thing in the morning? If the manager gives you any flack, simply dive into the pool while pointing at the “Shower before entering Pool” sign. If you don’t live in the complex…. Run.

• The beach shower. If you live near any beach, they also have free outdoor showers. Only drawback might be the lack of hot water, but it’s worth it not to airmail a “reek-o-gram” to the hot girl who sits next to you at work. As a last resort, there’s the ocean. You will smell like rotting seaweed, but if you die at work the salt will preserve your body temporarily, so you might get a couple extra hours in.

• Shower with your Honey. Now this is a bit trickier. Climbing into the shower with your love bunny may sound like a good way to conserve water, but from personal experience water + soap-on-a-rope + skin = Late for Work.

Lastly, I hear that because of the drought, all California Starbucks stores are going to begin brewing coffee made with leftover coffee.  Genius. Tentative name:  “No Sleep ‘til Brooklyn.”

 K.G.