Statistically Speaking

Let’s talk statistics.  . Generally, I find most of them boring and a complete waste of time, but occasionally they are giggle worthy.

Example:

• Statistics say that one in four people are insane.  So take a look at your three BFF’s and if they're all normal, then it’s you.

• If you pet a cat 70 million times, you will generate enough static electricity to power a 60-watt light bulb for 1 minute.

Did someone actually try this?  That would be one patient cat.

Baby-Boomer statistics are quite interesting.

Here are some more fun ones:

• During the Boomer era, 1946-1964, according to the US Census, 77 million people were born, or if you prefer, “a whole lotta shakin’ was going on,” to paraphrase Jerry lee Lewis.

• Every 7 seconds an American celebrates a 50th birthday. If I worked for L’Oreal or Grecian Formula I’d be thrilled to have 12,500 potential customers every day. Another survey say every 7 seconds is how often men think about sex….  Sorry, where were we? I was thinking about something else.

• Scarborough says Boomers make up 35% of the American adult population. I myself would challenge this. I rarely meet an adult under 50, and when I do, they are usually selling insurance or managing a 7-11.

• ICSC states that the 55+ age group controls more than three-fourths of America’s wealth, but that Boomers have lately begun to see a decrease their net worth. I truly believe if their kids would get up off the couch, shave, get a job and move out, this would turn around instantly.

• Those Boomers love them some technology. 72% are active on the Internet and 36% own a smartphone, although it’s my guess that 33% of them don’t know how to put someone on hold while they take another call, or is it just me?

• Lastly, to quote the US Government Consumer Expenditure Survey (I wonder how much they paid someone to come up with that name) 55-64 year olds outspend the average consumer in nearly every category, including food away from home (we now have the Gay Whopper, so how about the Gray Whopper, Burger King?), household furnishings (please bring back the “Shag” carpet), entertainment (I hear “Nip and Tuck”, eh… you know… Manilow and Newton are slayin’ them in Vegas), personal care (hmmm…guess it “Depends” on what they’re buying) and gifts (they just love to spoil those grandchildren, don’t they?).

(An excerpt from “Hot Grandpa: A Boomer’s Adventure in Cyber-Dating”)

Bye for now,

K.G.- AKA “the loquacious expounder of Sisyphean drivel.”