I'm Not Afraid to Be Naked

I’m Not Afraid to Be Naked

Is it my imagination or has the whole “au natural” thing gone up a notch? Has reality television suddenly discovered th

My wife and I watch “Naked and Afraid,” but only for the articles or so goes the old Playboy joke. Seriously though, we love survival shows, “Survivorman” being one of my favorites. Lately both of us have been enjoying “Running Wild with Bear Grylls.” This is the show where he flies celebrities to remote locations and forces them to behave somewhat human like the rest of us or else look like complete wussies.at updated versions of old reality programs might go over better if stripped down to the bare essentials.

Who doesn’t love seeing that?

Now, since the networks have already decided that naked sells, I have a few ideas of my own.

Running Wild and Naked with Bear Grylls

Since most of the hot (okay, I’ll admit there are a few I wouldn’t pay to see) women in Hollywood have had their iPhones hacked, and practically everyone except for maybe a Mennonite third grader in Pennsylvania has seen them naked, here’s a golden opportunity to let it all hang out.  May I suggest Jennifer Lawrence as the first guest?

Naked Wheel of Fortune

I am well aware that not one person on this planet, aside from maybe his wife, wants to see Pat Sajak naked, thank you, but as for Vanna White? Grrrr…  I believe I would watch just to hear a contestant say…

“I’d like to by a vowel and a towel, Pat.”

And spinning the giant wheel might make the game a wee (no pun intended) more dangerous for any over exuberant male guests.

America’s Next Top Naked Model

There is no reason to even debate this one. I mean, really. This has monster-hit written all over it as long as they keep Kelly Cutrone under wraps, if you know what I mean. I just threw up a little in my mouth picturing her naked.

Naked Wipeout

Naked athletes, huge rubber mechanical devices, water and slippery goo… sounds like good clean fun or a David Beckham sex tape.  My version will give chest bumps, belly-flops and cannon-balls whole new and rather painful meanings.

Tag Line: Kind of like the Three Stooges, except naked.

Naked Biggest Loser

Okay. I’ll admit this is more for motivation than titillation. I would make it like strip poker in reverse. For every 50 lbs. lost, they would be allowed to put on one article of clothing bearing a sponsor’s name. Not only would this allow ample space for onscreen advertising thereby increasing revenue, but it would give the old term “Jiggle Television” whole new meaning.

Aside from the sweat factor, this might be a winner.

Tag Line: Strip Porker

America Has Naked Talent

Who hasn't longed to see acrobats, dancers, comedians and singers hit the stage in their birthday suits? No ifs, and's or butts about it. It would be like Vegas sans feathers, sequins and stilettos.

I understand that getting all that dangling flesh in perfect synchronization might be a bit tricky and  magicians might balk at having to find new places to hide their (watch while I pull a rabbit out of my… Ewww!!) props, but I expect most of us would simply ooh and aww at the spectacle of seeing 25 hairy Armenians tumbling naked across the stage to Pharrell Williams’ “Happy.”

As Seinfeld’s Kenny Bania would say “That’s gold, Jerry. Gold.”

K. G.